I remember...

I remember you keeping me warm,
I remember you keeping me from harm,
I remember you calling me "TuTu" everyday,
I remember you making my closet Ghost go away,
I remember you swimming with me as a kid,
I remember you loving me no matter what I did,
I remember when you drove the bus, I rode by your side,
I remember the sound if your belt, as it struck my backside,
I remember you making food that I didn't even like,
I remember you teaching me how to ride a bike,
I remember you leaving me a lot with my Mother,
I remember outside, teaching basketball to my Brother,
I remember you sleeping with me on nights I was haunted,
I remember you working so much so Cliff and I never wanted,
I remember you teaching us to work, that's what men do,
I remember how much I wanted to be so much like you,
I remember that day that you went to the store,
I remember so many days went by, unlike before,
I remember Mother crying so many tears,
I remember Her screams and how they hurt my ears,
I remember I was so confused I didn't know how to act,
I remember Mother telling us, He's not coming back,
I remember cyring and wondering if my Daddy is dead,
I remember, "He found someone else!", was all she said,
I remember wishing I could have kept you from walking out the door,
I remember thinking you hated me, and didn't want me anymore,
I remember hating you, this was supposed to be forever,
I remember vowing, to speak to you never...
- Time heals all wounds.... 19 years later...
I love you Dad, we speak, but things aren't the same,
I still feel my heart drop, when you call out my name,
Mom, is fine, she moved on with her life without you,
Sometimes I still wonder, does she still care about you,
Now, I don't want to be anything like you,
Vowing never to put my kids what you put me through,
I still respect you, God's Word says I must,
But know this, you will never ever earn my trust,
Time doesn't heal all wounds, it simply numbs the pain,
The scar, ever present, you will never hurt me again...
I remember, but I don't want to...

Talking to myself...

Don't you find it rather strange,
That a person likes who you are, as long as you, Change?
Loving and laughter, all the while you were pursued,
Never caught on you were being, Subdued?
Putting everything right in your lap,
Poor, Poor, Man, you fell in a, Trap?
Come on dear Man, you can't trap the willing,
You are the one, that made yourself so, Appealing?
You have no one to blame, where your life did go,
After all, you had the option to just say, No?
Basically it is your own fault, if parts of your life seem crappy,
Seeing you compromised your sanity, to make others, Happy?
But that's who you are, you do it oh so well,
You try to give everyone Heaven, while all you get is, Hell?
Stop hiding all the time, let your guard down, try it,
Trusting is a good thing, but so oft, you, Deny It?
Trust people to except the real, true, me,
And not the person, that the want to, See?
Just for once, you know who I would really love to be,
I would love, really love, for once just to be, Me?
Well then do it you coward, give it your all,
Let go, LET GO, Damn It! LET IT GO, FALL...
072106... I chose to be me...